In the world of sexuality, perhaps nothing is so misunderstood as
Premature Ejaculation. It is the butt of an endless onslaught of jokes and the
cause of just as many worries, as men around the world continue to lose all
kinds of confidence with every new penis drug that is released.
Masters and Johnson define
PE as the condition where a man ejaculates before his sex partner achieves orgasm,
in more than fifty percent of their sexual encounters. Other sex researchers
have defined premature ejaculation as occurring if the man ejaculates within
two minutes of penetration; however, a survey by Alfred Kinsey in the 1950s
demonstrated that three quarters of men ejaculate within two minutes of penetration
in over half of their sexual encounters. Self reported surveys report up to 75%
of men ejaculate within 10 minutes of penetration. Today, most sex therapists
understand premature ejaculation as occurring when a lack of ejaculatory
control interferes with sexual or emotional well-being in one or both
partners.
The point is that the
vast majority of males has “suffered” from one or more of the above noted
conditions at some point in his life, if he is sexually active. Lucky for all
of us, there are some small, but often quite helpful, tips we can try during
the middle of our love-making escapades:
1.
Squeeze your penis! Perhaps the most
practical tip around, but it makes sense. If you squeeze the penis just below
the head, you can greatly reduce blood flow, which is the main cause of
stimulation. Plus, the head of the penis is the most sensitive part in general,
so it all kind of works out. Simply squeeze gently for a good 5-30 seconds
(however much time you can spare). Just don’t do it in such a way that, well,
gets you off.
2.
Think disgusting thoughts. Definitely not
practical, but hey, it really works for some guys. Look down and imagine you
are sticking it in Quasimodo or something. I don’t know, you decide. Anything
that makes you want to throw up and is a complete turn-off… go for it.
3.
Cause pain to your body. Okay let’s qualify
that tip: cause pain to your body somewhere else besides your shlong! For the
record, this is also a good way to pass a polygraph test while lying – and for
the same reasons. It distracts your brain to focus on the most urgent matter at
hand, which is ALWAYS pain. Biting your tongue is usually a favorite strategy,
and probably the easiest to perform while under the sheets.
4.
Only go tip deep. Recall Vince Vaughn’s
monologue in “The Wedding Crashers” … where he proposes playing “a little game
called ‘just the tip’ … just for a second!”… yah, you get the point. This takes
some practice to find the angle that still feels good to her, but also gives
him a small break from the “deeper” action. Anyway, good luck with your
experimentation.
5.
Go slower sometimes. Seriously. It’s a simple tip, but it’s one that we all forget when the
lights go out. You aren’t in a race! Not only do you not always need to be in
“deep” but you also don’t always need to go fast. A little change-up in speed
never hurt nobody – and in fact, most girls will probably appreciate a little
down time. It becomes a bit of a mental game as the minutes tick onward, so
show some self-control and work on your pace.
7.
Take some sort of break. Some of you might
wonder how Fabio can last for 45 minutes in that latest Jenna Jameson video.
Well if you cut out the 25 minutes of slap and tickle in the beginning, and
factor out the 5 different drugs he took before the shoot, you’ll notice quite
a few camera angle changes. This is because the average porn video is actually
filmed across 3 days of shooting! So stop beating yourself up. Fabio’s other
trick is that he takes frequent “breaks” whether it be from changing positions,
grabbin’ a BJ here and there, and what not. The point is that if you want to
last *super* long, you are going to need some regular breaks.
8.
Clear the tubes beforehand. If you don’t want to
be a minuteman on a big date, or screw up a romantic night with your woman,
then it never hurts to unload your gun before you go out, and it usually helps
you last longer later on. There is really no better way to illustrate this
point than quoting from “There’s Something About Mary”…
Dom: You choke the chicken before any big date,
don’t you? Tell me you spank the monkey before any big date. Oh my God, he
doesn’t flog the dolphin before a big date. Are you crazy? That’s like going
out there with a loaded gun! Of course that’s why you’re nervous. Oh my dear
friend, please sit, please. Look, um, after you’ve had sexwith a girl, and
you’re lying in bed with her, are you nervous? No, you’re not, why?
Ted: Cause I’m tired…
Dom: Wrong! It’s ’cause you ain’t got the baby
batter on the brain anymore! Jesus, that stuff will f*ck you’re head up! Look,
the most honest moment in a man’s life are the few minutes after he’s blown his
load – now that is a medical fact. And the reason for it is that you’re no
longer trying to get laid, you’re actually… you’re thinking like a girl, and
girls love that.
9.
Practice flexing your pubococcygeus. This is probably the best kept sex secret in the entire
universe. Both men and women have what are commonly referred to as Kegel
muscles, named after Dr. Arnold Kegel. These are the muscles that you squeeze
when you are trying to stop peeing mid-stream! It’s nearly impossible for most
males, because we never practice flexing them. If you can build up strength and
control of these muscles, however, not only can you learn to “hold in” your ejaculation
for longer, but you can also have larger ejaculations because you will be able
to blast more semen out of your system – and farther. Not only so, but rumor
has it that some guys have learned to jack themselves off using only their
Kegel muscles.
10.
If all else fails… Viagra. Okay, this is somewhat of a joke as we hope you don’t give up on
the above methods. However, if you do finally give in and have tried
everything, you might as well give some drugs a go. There are absolutely TONS
these days, so do your research first. Some of them merely give you a massive
boner and might make it harder for you to last longer – who knows. Others are
designed specifically for bigger orgasms or for lasting longer, or both, or
neither.
Good luck, for your motor boating!
